Tips and Tools

  • Building “Empathy Muscles” with your Child

    Empathy is a skill and an awareness that we can build – in ourselves and our children. Empathy is the ability to step into someone else’s shoes and connect to their feelings or to take their perspective. It is also the ability to regulate our own emotions and be able to separate our own feelings from the feelings of others. Here are some ways to teach empathy to your children: * Address your child’s needs without dismissing or minimizing. Research tells us that children whose emotional and physical needs are met at home are much more likely to show empathy…

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  • Planting Seeds for Responsibility in the Classroom

    School can and should play an important role in helping children develop responsibility. The culture of the school is a vehicle for teaching young people how to behave, and it is done in the process of building relationships and learning. Responsibility involves developing self-reliance as well as a sense of contribution (significance) to others and the community. Some things teachers can do: Involve students in developing classroom agreements – a list of ways in which they feel the class will be an effective learning environment for everyone. Post the list and, periodically, throughout the day/week, refer back to it. “How are…

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  • Growing Responsibility

    In today’s society children often have fewer opportunities to develop responsibility. We no longer need them to be important contributors to the family’s economic survival as we once did. Parents often do too much in the name of love, not wanting their children to experience sadness or disappointment. Teaching children responsibility for tasks, belongings, as well as for their actions helps build a sense of capability and self-reliance that counteract the sense of entitlement that parents often report. Completing tasks is only one part of learning responsibility. It’s also about making mistakes and learning resilience. This comes from an environment in which…

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  • Is It Really Disrespect?

    We’ve been having a lot of conversations about respect at schools this month. Educators are telling us that students don’t “respect” them. When we drill down a little further, the story is that students are not obeying adults. Are respect and obedience the same thing? We don’t think so! Interestingly, one of the most common complaints from students who have been sent to the office for misbehavior is, “My teacher didn’t respect me.” Obedience means following the directions of an authority figure. The motivation is often based on fear. The result is compliance. Respect means showing consideration for the rights,…

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  • Beginning the New Year with your Family

    January is a great time to help children review routines and focus on the brand new year ahead. It is common, after winter break and less structured environment during vacation, to notice that it is harder to get going and return to the family’s daily rhythm. Re-establishing routines works best when the process is intentional. At your family meeting, talk about which routines are working and which ones are not. Are there some that could be changed to make things easier/more fun for everyone? For example, could bedtimes be extended by 15 minutes, would mornings be easier if children were…

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  • The New Year: Reflecting and Refreshing in the Classroom

    The start of a new calendar year is a great time to help students reflect on renewal and hopes for the future. Many teachers find that routines that were quite polished in December seem to need a bit of refreshing in January, as well. You can integrate both of these ideas as you reflect on the past and move forward. In a class meeting, invite students to share: What are some of their favorite memories from the first half of the year? What are some of their hopes and dreams for the second part of the year? These can be…

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  • December Without the “Dizzy” for Educators

    There is a lot of excitement in December. Staying focused can be a challenge for us and for our students during this stressful season. With the anticipation of upcoming celebrations, and the needed break from school, the adults are often in countdown mode. This can look like a countdown calendar, parties and lots of talk about what we are looking forward to. Routines take a back seat. While some students enjoy this and still engage appropriately, for many students the excitement increases stress and as a result, behavior and ability to learn goes downhill. Two weeks away from the structure and support of…

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  • Family Meetings

    Family meetings are a powerful tool to build the life skills that we want our children to have.  The family meeting process helps children learn good listening skills, cooperation, mutual respect, and effective solution-focused problem solving.  The consistent practice of gathering as a family, giving and receiving compliments, and solving problems helps families run more smoothly and builds family connections. Start by engaging your family in the practice of having regular (weekly) meetings: Teach and practice compliments. Have every family member share something that they appreciate about each of the other family members and themselves. (This alone takes practice!) Do…

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  • Class Meetings

    Class Meetings are an effective way for students to learn many of the life skills that are just as important, long term, as academic skills. Students do not magically know how to safely get into a circle, how to listen respectfully, or how to focus on solutions. These are foundational skills that need to be taught and practiced before Class Meetings are implemented. Before teaching your students how to do class meetings ensure that they have some basic skills. This takes time and patience. They need to be able to self regulate enough to sit quietly in a circle for…

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  • What Are We Learning?

    Submitted by Adrian Garsia Teacher, parent, Positive Discipline Trainer For a long time I have wondered why Positive Discipline is more successful in some classrooms than others, why do some teachers and schools embrace it and others reject it. Why do systems based on rewards (and punishment) thrive? Why do I embrace Positive Discipline and at other times reject it? Why do I resort to things that look like punishment with students and why do I consider rewards when I feel really stuck? For those of you that don’t know me, I am a parent of two children in their…

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