• Homework Tangles?

    The school year is well underway and fall routines are settling in. What is the homework routine in your family? As a parenting coach and consultant to schools I often hear complaints about homework from both parents and from teachers. Each expects the other to take a little more responsibility for homework. Interesting isn’t it? Where is the student in all of this? What can we do to grow the student’s responsibility?

  • Sharing Work and Play

    Quite a few of the families I consult with struggle with the notion of children doing some of the family work. Sometimes it is because it is just plain hard to get your child to set the table or load the dishwasher and we get tired of reminding. Sometimes it is because of a belief that it is the adult’s job to do all of the family work and to let the children play. I think it is better to share both work and play.

  • Teaching Kids About Money

    It’s pretty hard to learn about money if you don’t have any. Consider using an allowance to teach your kids about financial responsibility. And if what you really want is to teach about money – do not tie that allowance to chores it will distract from the lessons of money.

  • Lighten Up for the New Year

    My yoga instructor offered an interesting challenge for her class this month: Lighten up. It was not meant to be the typical New Year’s resolution to exercise more and lose a few pounds, but to look at my life with more levity. We’ve heard about how a positive outlook on life invites better health and happier relationships. But as adults, with all our busy-ness it’s easy to see the glass half empty: to notice the problem instead of the opportunity. It can become an unnoticed, established pattern for our lives. With the responsibility of parenting, it can feel hard to…

  • Practice not Perfect

    It’s great to have goals and to reach for things – but in our culture we often do that from a place of not being “good enough.” Daily we are given the message that we are not thin enough, fit enough, happy enough, rich enough or smart enough with all sorts of media messages about how to get thinner, fitter or happier or how we can buy more things so we can have the experience of “enough.” Is there another way to approach the New Year without slipping into the trap of “not enoughness?” 

  • Tips and Resources for Talking to Children/Students About Awful Things

    What makes events like the shootings in Newtown so terrifying is that is impossible to make sense of them. It is even worse when it seems like it should be preventable. It is hard for all of us. It is harder for children and adults who have been exposed to trauma.

  • Curiosity Questions Start Brains Thinking

    You know how adults sound on those old Charlie Brown cartoons? Wah, wah, wah, wah, waaaaaahhhhh…” Yes, I am guilty as well. We just want to get our kids moving and we want them to just listen and do what we say. Then we feel irritated and challenged when it seems as though they are ignoring us or dragging their feet… Are they feeling respected? No. Are they feeling capable? No. Are they invited to cooperate? More like invited to a power struggle…

  • Ghosts in our Closets

    As we enter the time of year when the days get shorter and nights get longer one of the traditions that many of us share in the United States is Halloween. Ghosts, goblins, witches (and now zombies) are part of the ambience and excitement of the tradition. This is the night when goblins roam the streets, we go out to look for scary things and explore “haunted” places as part of the ritual. We dress up, look fearful things in the eye and make it fun. (Yes, candy is part of the routine too.) The following day we figure out…

  • Bullying and Our Culture

    Adults sometimes use power to change someone’s behavior by humiliating them or scaring them. There is an implicit assumption that the person is not already doing the best they can at the moment, that somehow they don’t care and that fear and shame will be helpful motivators. This is craziness. We know from brain science that when we are threatened our ability to learn new things shuts down. Athletes and talented technology workers are there because they want to be there. They dream of being on the “A” team, and are working hard to improve performance. Is the bullying really…

  • Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep – Or Not

    Falling asleep (and getting enough sleep) would seem to be a normal, simple part of everyday family life—especially for children. But it turns out that it’s not so simple after all. Recent studies tell us that children today are getting an average of one hour less sleep each night than they did 30 years ago. That may not sound like much, but it turns out that that lost hour is having quite an impact.